Did you know that recent statistics show that there are as many as 42, 725 homeless vets on any given night in this country? That's 42,725 too many. As many as 30% of vets contemplate suicide on a fairly regular basis, 25% suffer from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, and 222 vets commit suicide each day. That's about one every 65 minutes. That means there is probably a vet taking his life right now. I am grieved beyond measure at these statistics. I am a vet. I know what it is like to come back from war. Your family has changed, you have changed, the culture has changed... The comradeship you felt in the war zone is gone. The adrenaline rush, the excitement, the focus on the mission, the long long hours of working 7 days a week are all gone.
Many vets come home to adultery or divorce papers, financial hardships, and even the strong relationships are put to the test, because let's face it.... War changes people. And then there is society. A young Marine once said "America is not at war, the Marines are, America is at the mall". Sadly this is true. our society, while not in the same anti-war/troop mentality as the Vietnam era, still has the same problem: They are short sighted and selfish. Spouses of military members suffer too. They endure raising the kids, endless nights of loneliness, worry about their loved ones, finances, all on their own. And around them America goes on. They trifle over Kanye and Kim, over the next Teen Mom, and the next celebrity break up, and the young men and women fighting for their lives and ours are forgotten. A distant thought in a war that has become irrelevant to them. If they aren't at the mall, they are certainly out to lunch!
Did you know that there is a time for everything? The writer of Ecclesiastes tells us there is. There is a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to kill and a time to heal, a time for love and a time for hate, a time for war and a time for peace, but many of our brothers and sisters can't do this. Let me tell you a something: It is easier to flip on the switch to go to war than it is to turn it off. It is anti-climactic to come home from such intensity and adrenaline and live in a mundane country doing mundane things with an ordinary family. It leaves the service member and their families with unrealistic expectations, strained relationships, they miss their jobs, they are angry because they have lost buddies, because they feel they have not done enough (which is NOT true), they chase depression and many fight addiction. Is it any wonder so many want to go back?
We need to do some serious thinking. The vet population that is homeless is 2x that of any other people group. How do we reach them? How do we let them know that they are honored and loved? That they are heroes for risking all in a selfish, self serving society that leaves them unsung and unwanted? PTSD is not about how much "action" someone sees, it is about how the brain processes events that they are involved in and are exposed to. I would expect most of you do not know what it is like to be in combat, to lose a buddy or see him seriously wounded, to suffer trauma in that magnitude of stress. That is good. That is what those who fought for you endured (and are still enduring) so you did not have to.
This brings me back to the beginning. How do we help our heroes (and they will often be the first to tell you they aren't heroes)? How can we help them settle back in and adjust to home? It's not an easy question, is it? A hand shake and a thank you goes a long way, but it isn't enough. Many of us vets lay awake in the wee hours of the night, and our brains just don't turn off. It's not like switching off a day at the office. A smell, a sight, a word can trigger a memory, SNAP!, like that! Like i said, I wanted to be a counselor. I guess in some ways I still am, but of a different sort now. My back porch is always open for a drink or a smoke with those who want to talk and process. And it has me thinking again... How can we do this the right way? I have and idea... Peer counseling, friendship counseling, whatever you want to call it. What our vets don't need is a clinical environment that makes them feel more alienated, more separated from the culture around them. They don't need one more thing to make them feel like it was better in the sandbox, in the jungle, in the South Pacific, in the Chosin Reservoir.
What they need are friends. Guess what? That's you, that's me, that's your kid or parent. Go ahead and shake their hand and tell them thank you. Trust me... It means the world, but do something else too. Befriend them, learn to shut up and listen much before offering a word of advice. In fact, a simple acknowledgement is better than a word of advice because processing is, well, a process. Be there for them. It's OK if you don't know the answer, and if you do... Sit on it and think a bit before offering it. Think not only about WHAT you are going to say, but HOW you are going to say it. You don't need to be a vet to help a vet, but you do need to empathize. Take them out for a drink, have a cig or cigar, have a glass of iced-tea or a slice of pizza, it doesn't take much to start. Look, I know this doesn't cover everything, but it's a start. We have to start somewhere. I don't want to lose another brother or sister because we did nothing.
I want to add an addendum about PTSD. My gracious wife has pointed out that the tone of the blog seems directed at those who have been in war, but I would like to correct this. PTSD and Traumatic events happen to people of all types and kinds, the medic in Germany receiving casualties can be just as affected as the guy on the front lines, the person who was in a training accident or doing grave's registration. Like I said, PTSD is about how the brain processes events. Thanks Bev for pointing that out!.
ReplyDeleteAlso thanks to the Journal for Biblical Counseling for their recent article by Bill Gasser who provided much info.
ReplyDeleteProper words of how well versed you are escape me. Nanci
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