For Everything There is a Season: A Note About Our Service Members and Vets

Did you know there was a time in my life I wanted to be a counselor? I counseled various types of people on a whole spectrum of matters from faith to marriage and recovering from adultery, vets and military, youth and old. It was a rewarding and demanding job. I left it to pursue other things for a variety of reasons, and there are times I regret it. The rewards are amazing when you can help repair a marriage or a parental relationship, or help someone in their personal life recover from a devastating event in their life. I told myself there are tons of qualified counselors out there helping folks, who needs another one? Just one more guy out there doing his thing when there are so many others out there. But over the last year or two, I have felt the heart strings pulling. There is something I cannot get out of my mind...

Did you know that recent statistics show that there are as many as 42, 725 homeless vets on any given night in this country? That's 42,725 too many. As many as 30% of vets contemplate suicide on a fairly regular basis, 25% suffer from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, and 222 vets commit suicide each day. That's about one every 65 minutes. That means there is probably a vet taking his life right now. I am grieved beyond measure at these statistics. I am a vet. I know what it is like to come back from war. Your family has changed, you have changed, the culture has changed... The comradeship you felt in the war zone is gone. The adrenaline rush, the excitement, the focus on the mission, the long long hours of working 7 days a week are all gone.

Many vets come home to adultery or divorce papers, financial hardships, and even the strong relationships are put to the test, because let's face it.... War changes people. And then there is society. A young Marine once said "America is not at war, the Marines are, America is at the mall". Sadly this is true. our society, while not in the same anti-war/troop mentality as the Vietnam era, still has the same problem: They are short sighted and selfish. Spouses of military members suffer too. They endure raising the kids, endless nights of loneliness, worry about their loved ones, finances, all on their own. And around them America goes on. They trifle over Kanye and Kim, over the next Teen Mom, and the next celebrity break up, and the young men and women fighting for their lives and ours are forgotten. A distant thought in a war that has become irrelevant to them. If they aren't at the mall, they are certainly out to lunch!

Did you know that there is a time for everything? The writer of Ecclesiastes tells us there is. There is a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to kill and a time to heal, a time for love and a time for hate, a time for war and a time for peace, but many of our brothers and sisters can't do this. Let me tell you a something: It is easier to flip on the switch to go to war than it is to turn it off. It is anti-climactic to come home from such intensity and adrenaline and live in a mundane country doing mundane things with an ordinary family. It leaves the service member and their families with unrealistic expectations, strained relationships, they miss their jobs, they are angry because they have lost buddies, because they feel they have not done enough (which is NOT true), they chase depression and many fight addiction. Is it any wonder so many want to go back?

We need to do some serious thinking. The vet population that is homeless is 2x that of any other people group. How do we reach them? How do we let them know that they are honored and loved? That they are heroes for risking all in a selfish, self serving society that leaves them unsung and unwanted? PTSD is not about how much "action" someone sees, it is about how the brain processes events that they are involved in and are exposed to. I would expect most of you do not know what it is like to be in combat, to lose a buddy or see him seriously wounded, to suffer trauma in that magnitude of stress.  That is good. That is what those who fought for you endured (and are still enduring) so you did not have to.

This brings me back to the beginning. How do we help our heroes (and they will often be the first to tell you they aren't heroes)? How can we help them settle back in and adjust to home? It's not an easy question, is it? A hand shake and a thank you goes a long way, but it isn't enough. Many of us vets lay awake in the wee hours of the night, and our brains just don't turn off. It's not like switching off a day at the office. A smell, a sight, a word can trigger a memory, SNAP!, like that! Like i said, I wanted to be a counselor. I guess in some ways I still am, but of a different sort now. My back porch is always open for a drink or a smoke with those who want to talk and process. And it has me thinking again... How can we do this the right way? I have and idea... Peer counseling, friendship counseling, whatever you want to call it. What our vets don't need is a clinical environment that makes them feel more alienated, more separated from the culture around them. They don't need one more thing to make them feel like it was better in the sandbox, in the jungle, in the South Pacific, in the Chosin Reservoir.

What they need are friends. Guess what? That's you, that's me, that's your kid or parent. Go ahead and shake their hand and tell them thank you. Trust me... It means the world, but do something else too. Befriend them, learn to shut up and listen much before offering a word of advice. In fact, a simple acknowledgement is better than a word of advice because processing is, well, a process. Be there for them. It's OK if you don't know the answer, and if you do... Sit on it and think a bit before offering it. Think not only about WHAT you are going to say, but HOW you are going to say it. You don't need to be a vet to help a vet, but you do need to empathize. Take them out for a drink, have a cig or cigar, have a glass of iced-tea or a slice of pizza, it doesn't take much to start. Look, I know this doesn't cover everything, but it's a start. We have to start somewhere. I don't want to lose another brother or sister because we did nothing.

There's Something Happening Here, What it is Ain't Exactly Clear...

Remember that song by Buffalo Springfield? For What It's Worth is the name of the song. It was an anti-war song protesting Vietnam. It's a very well done song that describes the tension felt in our country in 1967. Oddly enough, it seems to describe where we are today as well. There seems to be a new civil rights movement in our country, one that doesn't regard the law, has no respect for society, is rooted in hate for growth and progress as a result of hard work. There is a growing youth culture of "I deserve" and "I need", with no understanding of what a "real" need is in comparison to a "felt" need. The difference being something I need to survive as opposed to something that brings me comfort and fulfills my desires.

Sadly, it's combined with an ignorance of history, and sadly those who are ignorant of history are doomed to repeat it over and over again. Maybe this goes back to the enlightenment, the French Revolution, when the protesters there claimed "There is no God but Man". It seems that when you place yourself as the highest standard, there is rarely ever a high bar to reach for. It was a movement that bred egalitarianism, a belief that everyone deserves equal status, opportunity, and outcome. While all men are created equal, it does not necessarily mean everyone deserves an equal outcome. Some are more gifted in certain areas and they excel. Some excel because they work hard. Those people deserve a quality reward for their work. Those who don't do not. It is as simple as that. Yet our culture is inundated with the idea that they need the same standard of living as those who buckle down and work. The same idea that took root in the 60's. It is a subtle socialism masked as equality for all men. Like John Lennon's Imagine, it envisions a world that sounds like Utopia but can never be.

Think about Buffalo Springfield's words:

"There's something happening here

But what it is ain't exactly clear

There's a man with a gun over there

Telling me I got to beware

There's battle lines being drawn
Nobody's right if everybody's wrong
Young people speaking' their minds
Getting so much resistance from behind

What a field day for the heat
A thousand people in the street
Singing songs and carrying signs
Mostly saying, "hooray for our side"

Doesn't this sound like our country right now? There's a lot of police on edge, lots of people on edge, battle lines being drawn, thousands of people protesting in the streets carrying signs and singing and chanting... About what? Here's the truth... If Obama had really done what he promised regarding race relations, we wouldn't be moving backwards, we would be moving forward. There would not be so much open hate towards whites or Hispanics or any other group out there. IF Obama had done what he said, we would all be holding hands singing Kumbaya. If Obama had enforced the law on our borders and made a way for those in need (truly in need) to come here **legally** then we would not be where we are today. My mother is an immigrant. A LEGAL one. She applied, worked and earned her citizenship and is the most patriotic person I know. She is as American as any natural born... Maybe more so. There certainly is something happening here, but it may be clearer than we might first think. But maybe that's the problem today. Not a lot of people take the time to stop and think. Think about the repercussions of what they say, what they do, how they act. Maybe if they thought a little more, they would understand what the other person is saying instead of just shooting off at the mouth in an effort to prove their point or try to rewrite history like they were doing a few months back by tearing down statues and burning flags.

Ignorance is running rampant in this country, and it's rooted in ignorance of history. For instance... Has anyone considered that the party of the KKK is the democratic party? That Lincoln was a Republican? That the majority of segregationists were democrats? There is a lot of pressure put on whites by the BLM and its supporters for reparations to be made (for what, I am not exactly sure since none of us or our parents or their parents ever owned slaves, and none of my family were even here until the early 1900's). Did anyone stop to consider that around 620,000 mostly white soldiers died freeing slaves because they did not agree with the democrats? How about "you're welcome". Listen, I know it's hard... Everyone who emigrated here had it hard. Remember how many Chinese died building the TCR or CPR? Or Italians? Or Irish? How about the Jews? Should I being half Italian pay reparations to the world for Rome enslaving a large part of them? Is it me? Am I the only one that sees this as a ridiculous notion? A hundred and fifty plus years have past. Jim Crowe is gone. Women can vote. Are there still problems? Yep. Know what the first step to solving any problem is? Look at yourself first. Examine yourself (or your movement), and begin making your changes there. Then look outward. Might gain some real traction on some real things. You might even realize that most people are just people and our priorities aren't rooted in a dead 150 year old issue, but in the here and now... How we are caring for our families, how we are going to make it to next payday, how our kids are doing. You know those important things in life that take priority. Maybe our country needs a kick in its pants to readjust our screwed up priorities.

Bro, Do You Even Freedom?

Seriously. It's Independence Day. It's a day of barbecues, family time and fireworks. It's a great time for us to socialize, party and have fun. But it's also a time to reflect on the cost of the freedom that is provided to us so we can even do these things. I wonder though how many people actually do that?

Do you even freedom?Who understands the sacrifice given in 1775, Who understands the sacrifice given in 1865, 1945, 1969, 1991, 2003, 2012, TODAY? There are men and women serving all over the world right now to provide us freedom that we don't even realize. Some of you may disagree with me politically, religiously, and ideologically. That's ok. that was a freedom fought for too. The freedom to agree and the freedom to be different. Heck, you have the freedom to be stupid if you want. And the truth is, for those who fought for it, freedom has a flavor that the protected will never know. Do you understand that some gave all for what you are enjoying tonight? That there are some who are shut in, crippled by the noise of fireworks that you are enjoying because of the memories it brings back? Seriously... I know some of you understand. The rest of you? Take a moment. Remember those who gave for you, those who are giving for you now. Be grateful in your celebration tonight and remember... Some of us are still giving.