The truth is, that men and women suffering from PTSD and combat stress struggle daily, hourly even, with anger, fear, loneliness, anxiety and depression (among other symptoms). It is real. The pain is real, the sense of loss is real, the depression and anxiety is real. Don't believe that just because your loved one is there and around you, that they are not feeling lonely, separated and alienated. This is a common feeling with men and women who suffer PTSD and combat stress. Returning from a deployment means the loss of a companionship and brotherhood that was formed in an environment that is often difficult to explain and even more difficult to understand.
Triggers abound in a world that was once familiar and has now become a strange and foreign place. Surrounded by loved ones and separated at the same time, the vet often suffers in silence, or is bombarded by questions that are often inappropriate ("what, did you kill someone?"), or even worse, minimized because of fear, ignorance, or just plain stupidity. There is a fear of being judged constantly by others.
We have a responsibility to our vets. To help them and love them. PTSD is a type of living death. PTSD in many ways is the feeling that you have died, yet are continuing to live on in a world that doesn't care or understand you. So how do you help? Listen. Don't talk, listen. If you must talk, choose your words carefully and meaningfully. Often times, vets want to share their experiences, but fear being judged. Listening quietly and non-judgmentally, patiently, goes a long way. Be honest in telling them "hey, I don't pretend to know what you are going through, I may never understand it, but I want to be here for you if you want to vent or talk". reinforce that they will not be abandoned. That you love them, that they have value. There are a million ways to show this and say this without sounding like you are trapped in a chick-flick. Be patient, because opening up takes time. Sometimes a lot of time. Respect the fact that your friend, loved one, who returns is not the same person who left. That person died and a new one returned in their place.
Look, we don't expect you to understand what it is like to see your buddy burn to death, die in an IED explosion, get ambushed, be in a firefight, experience the trauma of a military ER, snipers or whatever. I will tell you this, by standing by a vet, you can gain a better understanding of those things, you can experience an amazing friendship, relationship with one, and know what it means to stick by someone through thick and thin. We live in a society where people are considered disposable, and that is a shame. Our vets have sacrificed everything for us, and we ignore them. They left family friends and all the comforts we enjoy and take for granted, so we can continue to enjoy those things they left behind. Think about it.
